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Sheathe Thine Boner, Sire! [ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

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Believe in MagicBelieve in Magic

You can believe in the magic of Breathe Owl Breathe. by Ezra Ace Caraeff "THERE'S A BAND playing in the woods, and they're wearing capes." It's not the most alluring musical recommendation, but...

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Savage LoveSavage Love

History Lesson by Dan Savage My boyfriend and I have "history." We dated casually and weren't ready to stop seeing other people, so we had an open relationship. This phase was awful: lots of fights, a...

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Westward Ho!Westward Ho!

Pickathon hosts all stripes of American music. by Ned Lannamann Much of the year, Pendarvis Farm quietly sits on a gorgeous piece of land in Happy Valley. Its fields and trees are far enough out of...

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The Angriest Man in the WorldThe Angriest Man in the World

Cussing and crying with Winnebago Man. by Ezra Ace Caraeff ON AN RV LOT in Forest City, Iowa, in 1989, Jack Rebney had a really bad day. In quite possibly the worst afternoon of his life, Rebney...

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I, AnonymousI, Anonymous

Petty Cash by Anonymous Pet rent?? Why does an animal need to pay its own rent? I'm tired of looking for a place to live and finding out that not only do you want $400-plus in non-refundable deposits...

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Great PainsGreat Pains

Everybody hurts, but Sam Quinn just does it better. by Ezra Ace Caraeff TO GET TO KNOW the real Sam Quinn, I suppose you should start with the video. Posted by his label, Ramseur Records, the clip is...

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Tattered TunesTattered Tunes

The tattered tunes of New Jersey's Roadside Graves could come from any decade in American history. by Ned Lannamann LAST YEAR, Roadside Graves released My Son's Home, a sprawling, 18-track epic that...

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Not Just Women's WorkNot Just Women's Work

Mona Simpson's trenchant novel of labor and domesticity. by Alison Hallett TWO CHARACTERS JOSTLE for the proprietary perspective implied by the title of Mona Simpson's new novel My Hollywood: Claire,...

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The Dance™ Won't Turn Me Loose™!The Dance™ Won't Turn Me...

Step Up 3D: It's 3D-tarded! (In a good way.) by Wm. Steven Humphrey DO YOU HAVE a dream?! A dream to... oh, I don't know... become an actuary? Or perhaps a middle manager in a company that distributes...

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Alpine DriveAlpine Drive

Like a getting behind the wheel of a 2010 Mercedes-Benz, Grüner offers a swanky Alpine ride. by Patrick Alan Coleman I ONCE OWNED a 1975 Mercedes coupe. I loved that car. It was fashionable, smooth,...

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Film ShortsFilm Shorts

In which we hit it and quit it. 48-Hour Film Project The best of Portland's entries from the 48-Hour Film Project, in which teams of local filmmakers had a scant two days to create a film. More info:...

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Good Cop, Educational CopGood Cop, Educational Cop

The Other Guys: Like Frontline, but with guns! by Erik Henriksen THE MYSTERY that cops Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell) and Terry Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg) try to solve in The Other Guys is just like every...

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My, What A Busy Week!My, What A Busy Week!

Hot fun in the summertime! THURSDAY, AUGUST 5 COME ON PILGRIM—Here's your chance to get in on the ground floor of the geek event of the summer: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World opens next week, and tonight...

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Razzle DazzleRazzle Dazzle

Last Comic Standing judge Natasha Leggero on dressin' fancy and getting heckled by strippers. by Andrew R Tonry "NOW I KNOW WHY PAULA ABDUL was constantly high on pills," says Natasha Leggero of the...

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This Week's Mercury Music SectionThis Week's Mercury Music Section

Another week, another Mercury music section to read while you travel with your Bruce Springsteen street map. Just stay away from Tunnel of Love. The album, not the place. We talk to Seu Jorge about...

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This Week's Mercury Music Section

Another week, another Mercury music section to read while you travel with your Bruce Springsteen street map. Just stay away from Tunnel of Love. The album, not the place. We talk to Seu Jorge about...

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Good Morning News!

First of all, heads up that the CRC expert review panel is the topic on Think Out Loud today. Our coverage here, tune in at 9 AM here. Okay! On to the news. “YEAHHHHH!!!!! #PROP8UNCONSTITUTIONAL...

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It's Not Too Early to Think About BootsIt's Not Too Early to Think About Boots

I'm about to blow my wad on a custom-tailored Adam Arnold dress that'll take me through four late summer/early fall weddings all the way to the end of the holiday season's parties (and beyond), and...

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Today in Unintentional Foreign Catapults

I don't know what country this is from—I don't want to know. What I DO want to know is what the goddamn U.N. is gonna do about this growing scourge of foreign nations allowing fat kids to piggyback...

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