... the Eccentric Coffee Drinking Lady! Accepting her award is Wm. Steven Humphrey!
"Hello and thanks to everyone who voted for Eccentric Coffee Drinking Lady, who I believe is a true pioneer in describing mini-mart robberies. Not only did Eccentric Coffee Drinking Lady describe her robbery fully and without reservation, she did so with charm, hilarity, and aplomb. On behalf of Eccentric Coffee Drinking Lady I accept her Emmy, and would like to remind everyone to read this week's Mercury, which I think is especially great, and… and … stop playing me off! I HAVE MORE TO SAY!!"