Just wanted to say thank you for providing me with sample of "alternative" sexualities by way of your column. It's opened my mind just enough to begin to explore my own sexuality without shame... which leads to my inquiry.I'm a 22-year-old straight female who engaged in self harm (cutting) from the age of 11 until I was 20. From what therapy I've gone to and what I've read about self harm, I've come to believe that when I cut it was to release the emotional anxiety I felt surrounding issues in my life, particularly rejection and abandonment. My self-harm caused my life to become unmanageable, to say the least, and I received treatment. Since turning 20, I have not engaged in the behavior. I consider myself emotionally stable today and have definitely experienced revolutionary changes in my self-esteem and am capable of having healthy and stable relationships with people who really care about me, something previously unfathomable.
So what's wrong? As I've been exposed to a variety of different sexualities and practices, I've found that I am incredibly turned on by submission. I think back on my first sexual fantasies and I've always been inclined to masochism (even before the self harm started) but due to taboo and stigma and perhaps being young and naive, I never indulged. Now I've found a partner who is willing to explore this kink with me and we're starting with a rope bondage class at Babeland in a few weeks.
My apprehension comes from my past thinking and behavior and that I may be perpetuating an "unhealthy coping mechanism" and what I really need is more therapy. While I am really excited to dive into submission, I am terrified of potentially regressing and that my desire to tied up and beat with a cane is reaffirming a subconscious belief that I deserve it. I would love your thoughts.
More Therapy Or A Good Caning?
My response after the jump...