Hello fellow members of the I.F.F. It's time that we talked about Jersey Shore. Before we start I just want you to know that I would three-way-kiss all of y'all. I also want to direct you to a news story from last week about Snooki being arrested for drunk and disorderly, goof-ass conduct in South Beach:
Wearing a red and black T-shirt with the word "SLUT" across the chest and a miniskirt that left little to the imagination, she was later spotted falling over and wobbling uncontrollably.In a bizarre string of acts, she then tried to get on a man's bicycle, stormed onto the beach without paying the $5 entrance fee and finally tried to shove a man showering by the boardwalk.
It was then that cops intervened.
Snooks responded by chewing the police officers out for not realizing she is famous for being a drunken mess and is therefore above the laws that apply to normal drunken messes:
"You can't tell me what to do - I'm Snooki," she yelled at officers during a boozed-up, expletive-filled rant."Do you know who I am? I'm fucking Snooki. You can't do this to me - I'm fucking Snooki. You guys are going to be sorry for this - release me!"
"Release me"? People actually say that in day-to-day life? Did this happen next? And don't tell me that she couldn't maybe be an alien because the picture that accompanies this story makes a pretty good counter-argument.
Alright, with that out of the way, let this week's Jersey Shore wrap up COMMENCE!