Love the column and the podcast, which I read/listen to via the SL iPhone app, good stuff all around. Long time listener, first time caller, blah blah blah. A little background: I’m a straight-identified 30-year-old male, but for about as long as I can remember I’ve had a touch of the bi. I’m mostly into women, but I fantasize about guys with some regularity. My guy-on-guy fantasies exclusively involve men of the young-looking, hairless, effeminate/twink variety. The mental image of a mustachioed middle-aged bear doesn’t do anything for me. But I’ve never actually hooked up with a guy, not even a little, so these fantasies have lived strictly in the realm of my imagination.Here’s the problem: I’ve been dating an awesome woman. We get along great, she’s totally GGG, it’s a fulfilling relationship emotionally and sexually. She's someone I could definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with. Am I absolutely obligated to tell her about these fantasies? Even if I have cause to believe she would be totally turned off by them?
I’ve gone this long satisfying my boy crush with my head and my hand and a few choice porn files on the laptop and I honestly think I could live the rest of my life without ever sucking a dick. There’s always a small part of me that wonders what it would be like to fulfill these fantasy scenarios, of course, but when I sit down and really think about it, it begins to fall apart. I certainly can’t picture myself dating a guy or walking down the street holding hands with a guy. But I can’t deny that some dudes do turn me on.
I know people in relationships are supposed to reveal every last intimate detail with their partner, but am I allowed to keep this one secret, even though it’s kind of a big one?
Dan, Eagerly Needing Your Thoughtful, Helpful Endorsement to Bullshit my Intimate
My response after the jump...
