The pudding-brained hip kids' discussion group will now come to order!
ASSHOLEDLY WEAK
DEAR MERCURY—Seriously, what ass-holes you are at the Portland Mercury for, in the November 25 edition, giving that letter-to-the-editor writer Mr. Wendell Cunningham those Laurelhurst tickets and lunch, when his stupid letter accuses Portland of possibly being "gay-heartedly weak" [Letters, Nov 25]. I hope you aren't jumping on the bandwagon of being okay with calling things that are lame or weak, "gay."
-Ben
SERIOUSLY REALLY SERIOUS
DEAR MERCURY—Are you really serious ["The Westside Guide" advertising supplement, Nov 18]? Do people that you know actually speak in those vapid teen-speak sentences? I wish Portland was not filled with the endless hoards of pudding-brained hip kids.
-Dr. M.
AMERICAN ZOO
If we start arresting people for what they MIGHT do, we cease to be a free country ["No One Was Going to Die," News, Dec 2]. Obviously, it's good that no one died in Pioneer Courthouse Square. Equally, it's questionable that anyone WOULD have died. " It's about taking the side of NOT letting this country become a police state. If that happens, it will mean nothing that we're "safe." Zoo animals, unless the zoo is mismanaged, are "safe."
-posted by AlaskanNow
STRIKING CHORDS
I've never heard anyone defend the men arrested on NBC's To Catch a Predator, nor have I ever heard NBC's actions criticized as entrapment ["No One Was Going to Die," News, Dec 2]. Sexual predation seems to strike a social taboo "chord" with the public that apparently rings much louder than the terrorism "chord." It's a concept that is very difficult to imagine for a population with such a high standard of living. To many of us, the war on terrorism means only longer lines at the airport and privacy-threatening pat-downs. Our thoughts are more likely to sound like, "Hey, my day was ruined because I had to get up an hour earlier to get to the airport and I missed out on my full eight hours of sleep, I hate the TSA." Maybe we should imagine what life would be like in one of these more "at-risk" locales and how we'd feel if this scenario had been played out in that environment.
-posted by dander
THE BULLSHIT AWARDS
TO THE EDITOR AT PORTLAND MERCURY—About David Schmader's article about Kanye West ["Good-Ass Job," Music, Nov 25]: Schmader is astonished that Kanye West does not seem to grasp that the Grammy Awards are arbitrary bullshit. But later in the article he writes, "Being called a jackass by a Nobel Peace Prize-winning president can do that to a person." As regards this, I'd make the point that the Nobel Peace Prize, too, is arbitrary bullshit, and, therefore should not be used as a valid credential, especially in an article that previously used the example of another award as being meaningless.
-Mr. Stephen Amy
THANK YOU MR. AMY, for reminding everyone to keep up their standards as regards the various classifications of bullshit awards. It is perhaps no small coincidence that you have been awarded the Mercury's letter of the week, whereby you have won two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where bullshit doesn't stand on the plate.
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