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Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers welcome their friendly neighbours from Canada, the Toronto Raptors. I know this will come as a shock to most, but it seems like the Blazers have come down with a wee bit of the injury bug. That being the case, here is the current Blazers DeathRace 2010™ breakdown:
Fabricio Oberto: Panicked Diagnosis - Possible heart explosion, retired from the sport of basketball for ever.
Rudy Fernandez: Panicked Diagnosis - Back injury. Dislocated spine, hunchback syndrome, alien pod living in his lower back—that options are endless and all very probable.
Marcus Camby: Panicked Diagnosis - Migraines. It's not a tumor. Or is it?
Eliot Williams: Panicked Diagnosis - Dislocated patella. Out for the year, but his one good knee might be farmed for a possible ligament cadaver.
But worry not, the Blazers just signed forgettable large body Sean Marks to fill in at center position until he is horrifically injured Joel Przybilla and (maybe) Greg Oden return. Like a new drummer for Spinal Tap, or the promiscuous coed introduced at the beginning of a horror movie, I'm sure he'll be just fine. What's that? A mysterious noise outside our darken cabin? On the same night that all those kids were murdered ten years to this very day? Hey Marks, why don't you go outside and investigate?
