As you may have heard Mattel has rolled out a new series of Ken dolls (Barbie's side piece) to appeal to a new generation of kids. From NPR:

On Tuesday, the company rolled out 15 new Ken dolls with three body types: "slim, broad and original." They have seven skin tones, nine hairstyles — including cornrows and "man buns"— and an array of sartorial styles from business casual to athletic-chic.

"We are redefining what a Barbie or Ken doll looks like to this generation," Lisa McKnight, senior vice president and general manager, Barbie, said in a press release. McKnight says the new Ken, "allows girls to further personalize the role they want him to play in Barbie's world."

And oh dear god, the internet is having some fun with that. BEHOLD.

ManBun Ken looks like normal Ken's brother except he only eats local organic, non-GMO, gluten free produce & is $50,000 in student loan debt pic.twitter.com/Si9TT1moZj
— Mike Walton (@mjwalton01) June 22, 2017

Black Mormon Ken likes going door to door spreading the word of Jesus Christ. But everyone wants to touch his hair. Utah wasn't a good idea. pic.twitter.com/DftfNy0Efd
— Michelle Bhasin (@michellebhasin) June 22, 2017

Man-bun Ken live streamed the entire Women's March on Facebook so everyone would know he was there pic.twitter.com/GraWlzwjc6
— Caleb Ecarma (@calebecarma) June 22, 2017

this ken doll wants to know why there's no white history month pic.twitter.com/LISGhbv6qZ
— the blowout (@theblowout) June 20, 2017

Does the new man bun Ken doll also come with a tiny vape? pic.twitter.com/OoBf1mDRTA
— Lord Single Malt (@Singlemaltfiend) June 20, 2017

Not comfortable w/the roleplaying these Ken dolls bring to our classroom. Top middle mansplains Wonder Woman. Top right sends unwanted nudes pic.twitter.com/yrRk1ZMCnV
— Los Feliz Daycare (@LosFelizDaycare) June 21, 2017

Ironic Glasses Ken didn't vote in the special election last week to "send a message to the establishment" and because he was tired. pic.twitter.com/4PHLsCuAH1
— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) June 22, 2017

I just noticed that man bun Ken is wearing jorts and now I'm spiraling pic.twitter.com/ccdU3dhFrS
— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) June 22, 2017

Man-bun Ken just claimed he thought of Occupy Wall Street while sitting at the local Starbucks. pic.twitter.com/PU04Gxcpnn
— Christian Cowart (@ChristianCowart) June 22, 2017

The new "Man Bun" Ken doll comes with shirt, shoes, and keys to Barbie's car that he's driving until he "gets back on his feet again."pic.twitter.com/gYmXwR9WEc
— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) June 20, 2017

The Ken doll with the man bun comes with a bottle of wine from Trader Joe's that it won't shut up about.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) June 20, 2017

Man bun Ken booed Hillary at the Democratic Convention and then voted for Gary Johnson but he wants Barbie to know it's her fault Trump won. pic.twitter.com/nM7ZW8LK5o
— Laura (@SheWhoVotes) June 22, 2017

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MOORE Custom GoodsJeff Wong

Modified Style, an annual fundraising fashion show and competition that showcases the work of up and coming designers, is back with a fairly long list of hopefuls vying for the top spot in their category, which include youth, amateur, professional, and professional collection. Each designer is tasked with creating a one-of-a-kind garment made exclusively of recycled materials, and the main focus of the event is to bring awareness to the disposability of fast fashion and the damage and pollution it creates in the environment. MOORE won the professional category last year, and we all know how much that company has grown since. If you want to check out the next generation of Portland designers this is a great event to attend. Proceeds from the show this year will benefit Caldera Arts, a nonprofit that blends art and environmental education to improve the lives of underprivileged youth.
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, Thur June 22, 6:30 pm, $18- $50, all ages

Parachute

Parachute, a direct-to-consumer home essentials brand based in Venice Beach, will open their second brick and mortar on NW 23rd today. The store was custom designed by Jessica Helgerson and Kayti Huffman of Portland based Jessica Helgerson Interior Design and features Parachute’s bedding, bath and tabletop collections. Shoppers can purchase items on-site or place orders in-store with complimentary shipping, and Parachute will also offer one-on-one design consultations. The store will also carry like-minded and local vendors, and a garden in the back of the store will serve as a setting for future Parachute parties and community events.
Parachute, 820 NW 23rd, Store Hours, Mon- Sat, 11 am- 7 pm, Sun, 11 am- 6 pm

Portland is all about DIY culture, but some might be a little intimidated to attempt to make their own footwear. Well, intimidation be damned! Learn how to make your very own leather sandals at Broad Space’s Shoemaking 101. Broad Space is a fairly new art and work collective that seeks to connect women that are looking for a space to grow their business and art ventures, and provides workshops as well as spaces to rent. In this one-day class, taught by Nike footwear designer Sarah Rabebda, you will learn design principles, how to measure the foot and turn your design into a pattern, how to dye and cut the leather, and how to assemble and finish the final product.
Broad Space, 425 SE 3rd, Sat June 24, 9:30 am- 6:30 pm, $195 (includes cost of materials), register at broadspacepdx.com

Michelle Lesniak

Tickets are still on sale for The White Party: Thornebird, a collaboration between Michelle Lesniak and dance company White Bird. The evening will consist of a showing of Lesniak's summer capsule collection created for the event on dancers in a non-runway fashion show set to music composed by Seth Montfort, Lesniak's husband. On her inspiration for the collection, Lesniak said, "I titled the collection ‘THORNEBIRD’ based on the story of a bird that searches its entire life to find the perfect thorn. Once the thorn is found it impales itself on the thorn and sings the most beautiful song ever heard." Guests will also be treated to hors d’oeuvres, a hosted bar, and a raffle ticket to win an exclusive design from Michelle Lesniak, all from the comfort of a fancy house in the west hills. Tickets available here.
5656 SW Humphrey, Sat June 24, 4 pm, $125

The Wild Unknown

The Wild Unknown, which started as a tarot deck company with artwork by Kim Krans, has transformed into a brick and mortar shop for all of your mystical shopping needs. In addition to carrying the TWU houseline, which includes their tarot and oracle deck, candles, incense, and other ritual items, the shop will carry a selection of their favorite tarot and oracle decks, crystals, artwork, transformational books, and more. Their grand opening party is on Saturday and will be complete with music and refreshments from Roots + Crowns.
The Wild Unknown, 1829 NE Alberta, Suite C, Sat June 24, 6-8 pm

Portland Flea + Food

Portland Flea + Food, “a gathering place for the best of Portland’s makers, food purveyors and curators of vintage to sell their wares and grow their businesses,” will resume their event that occurs every last Sunday of the month. Shop from over 50 vendors that provide new and vintage clothing and accessories, home goods, ceramics, and of course, food. Vendors include Hollywood Babylon, Vintage Baron, Vintalier, Woodworks, and more.
SE 6th and Salmon, Sun June 25, 11 am- 4 pm

As always, be sure to visit our fashion calendar to keep up to date on all things fashion event related here. Got a fashion event? Drop us a line here.

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The Nib

The first episode of The Nib's new animated series is online today, and it's a perfectly TOO REAL political cartoon. It's produced by Matt Bors, the Portland-based founder of the The Nib whose analog comics appear weekly in the Mercury (check the front of the paper under our letters to the editor section), and the story for this animated episode was edited by our former news writer and forever-friend of the paper Sarah Mirk! 👏👏👏 to everyone involved!

It's finally here! The first episode of our animated series.pic.twitter.com/PJl3OaEkfj
— The Nib (@thenib) June 22, 2017

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(SANDY) ALEX G Songs about hot dogs... or ARE they?Tonje THILESEN

“Is the truth trapped behind iron lock and key?” asks Alex Giannascoli on “Guilty,” the closing track of his excellent new album, Rocket. When it comes to his music, the answer is a resounding yes.

Six years ago, the Philadelphia-based musician began releasing his lo-fi bedroom recordings on Bandcamp, with double-tracked vocals that’ve inspired some knee-jerk comparisons to the late Pacific Northwest singer/songwriter Elliott Smith. Giannascoli—who now records and performs under the moniker (Sandy) Alex G, after another musician trademarked the name Alex G in late 2015—isn’t all that much like Smith, but his experimental pop does have a similarly cultish following.

For someone who’s only spent 24 years on this planet, he’s already pretty prolific. Giannascoli’s released seven full-length records, and was invited to play guitar on Frank Ocean’s new albums Endless and Blonde. But he’s hesitant to say much about his own music. In an interview with Bandcamp last month, Giannascoli addressed this caginess, citing his fear that learning the meaning behind songs could “destroy the mystery.”

Single-track trail at the brand new Gateway Green.

Well, summer arrived yesterday, and the park opens this weekend. If you're into mountain biking, you're keenly aware of Gateway Green's opening day on Saturday. If you're not, check it out anyway. The Gathering at Gateway Green will have free bike rentals and safety courses for the uninitiated, a beer garden, puppet shows, and tons more (like sunblock, hopefully—it's supposed to be in the 90s).

More than a decade in the making, this park is a big deal in a city that's had fits about expanding access for mountain bikes in the past. Gateway Green features miles of single-track trails, a pump track, a skills course, and a set of dirt jumps.

Here's a rundown from River City Bicycles:

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Sunday is projected to be 100 degrees, which means I won't be able to keep my thighs inside these anti-cat-calling body-restricting jeans much longer. So THANK YOU Miss Eaves (AKA Shanthony Exum) for this hot new summer anthem called "Thunder Thighs" whose attitude just kills any sense of negativity and fear. Directed, produced, choreographed, and performed by all women in Brooklyn, this video had me at it's first lyric, "chub rub, the day is just heating up." Top that with some ice cream, great hair, hot fashion, a diverse cast, and you've got a hit that could weather all four seasons.

Regarding her new album, (Feminasty, out everywhere August 4), Miss Eaves told Elle: "I really dive into my feminist feels about a lot topics like female masturbation, fuccbois, Internet trolls, and men telling me to smile. It is really a labor of love and comes from the most genuine place and I am super proud of it." YES GRRL.

Check out more of Miss Eaves's work in The Every Body Project, "an inclusive style blog that aims to combat the body image issues that arise from the media's narrow portrayal of beauty."

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Abronia makes music for the even-tempered, the patient, the stoic. This Portland outfit—made up of members of Ghost to Falco, Million Brazilians, and more—reveals the core of their songs with quiet exactitude on their debut album, Obsidian Visions/Shadowed Lands.

Opening track “The Great Divide” ambles along for a full minute and a half on a dusty trail of Benjamin Blake and Eric Crespo’s guitar lines before the rest of the sextet explodes into view like the first glimpse of sunrise. The song then settles into push-pull, quiet-loud dynamics that are the standard operating procedure for all woozy, Morricone-inspired instrumentals, but those first moments set a strong template for this humbly powerful collection.

Senator Ted Cruz is among the villains who are opportunistically opposed to the Senate's version of the "American Health Care Act."Alex Wong / Getty

Republicans can only afford to lose two Senators on their quest to pass their version of Trumpcare, which is as bad if not worse than the House's version of the bill. Right now, four Senators are stating (or feigning) opposition:

CNN:

Sens. Rand Paul of Kentucky, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, Ted Cruz of Texas and Mike Lee of Utah said in a joint statement they're "not ready to vote for this bill."

"Currently, for a variety of reasons, we are not ready to vote for this bill, but we are open to negotiation and obtaining more information before it is brought to the floor," the senators said. "There are provisions in this draft that represent an improvement to our current health care system, but it does not appear this draft as written will accomplish the most important promise that we made to Americans: to repeal Obamacare and lower their health care costs."

Meanwhile, Ezra Levin of Indivisible is cautioning members of the #Resistance. "Opposition" from these extremely conservative Senators is clearly a strategy, he claims. They're not really against the Senate's version of the AHCA, they're just trying to dampen a rising tide of liberal protests against the bill even as they push to add more conservative amendments.

Operative words here are "as written." You should expect what's known as a "substitute amendment" at the last minute. Don't be fooled. https://t.co/g5AaZ4HVwC
— Ezra Levin (@ezralevin) June 22, 2017

Four Senate Republicans who ACTUALLY might want to avoid signing onto this version of the AHCA include Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, Jeff Flake, and Dean Heller. Seek them out at trumpcareten.org and express your concerns. I wouldn't be surprised if McConnell allows either Collins and Murkowski or Flake and Heller to vote against the bill and have Pence come in as the tie-breaker for the sheer sake of optics, but who fucking knows with these people.

Meanwhile, footage of a private meeting between the 13 men who crafted this bill in secret has been released:

Meanwhile, Capitol Police are dragging people with disabilities away from Mitch McConnell's office door for protesting the AHCA, which strips 800 billion from Medicaid and gives all that money to the rich. These protestors are awesome:

Capitol Police are physically removing protesters who are staging a "die-in" in front of McConnell's office pic.twitter.com/8BU0dW63VI
— Andrew Desiderio (@desiderioDC) June 22, 2017

pic.twitter.com/4LrlZKgYeO
— Andrew Desiderio (@desiderioDC) June 22, 2017

Paramedics and custodians had to help police mop blood off of the floor today during the ACA protest. https://t.co/eo75WiKrQvpic.twitter.com/doLvhXpSNH
— Olivia Messer (@OliviaMesser) June 22, 2017

Meanwhile, Trump is doing his best to distract red-yarn liberals by claiming he didn't record conversations between himself and former FBI director James Comey, a la Nixon. He was just bluffing. Go figure.

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GLASYSHunter Paye

Last month, Portland musician Gil Assayas (AKA GLASYS) posted one of his "solo jam videos" to Reddit."This is the most multitasking I've ever done," he wrote. "Would love feedback!" He didn't expect this feedback would come from one of hip-hop's most legendary performers.

"HO. LY. SHIT!"commented T-Pain from his alternative Reddit account."I've never seen anything like this in my life. Man. PM me if you wanna work together, bro. This is amazing!"

"It was very exciting, and I was skeptical that it was really him at first," Assayas says. "How many celebrities comment on Reddit using their own names? Can you imagine seeing a comment from 'ThomYorke57' or 'TaylorSwift805' on your post?"

He decided to test-drive this collaboration by jamming over T-Pain's 2014 NPR Tiny Desk Concert, and the result is pretty phenomenal:

It's been a whirlwind month for Assayas, who's been posting videos to YouTube for about six years. In late 2015 he and his wife relocated to Portland from Israel, and last September he released his debut EP as GLASYS, The Pressure. Its five keyboard compositions draw from spacey electro-pop and his classical/jazz background.

T-Pain is a man of his word—his manager has already reached out to Assayas, who's looking forward to working with the icon. Meanwhile, he hopes to spend the next few months recording his next GLASYS record here in Portland.

If you want to see T-Pain's future collaborator perform live, he's opening for Chris Margolin and the Dead Bird Collection tomorrow night at the Doug Fir.

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Note to Portland Business Alliance: NOBODY LIKES A WHINER. Especially when the whining involves a city project that objectively IMPROVES THE CITY.

The "Better Naito" project opens up one lane (out of four) along the Waterfront for the sole use of cyclists and pedestrians during this busy summer season. As someone who occasionally drives down Naito during morning rush hour, I can attest the Better Naito project adds very little time to my commute (especially compared to the current morning shit-show on Grand and MLK). But tell that to the nagging aunties of the PBA who will simply not shut up about it. Here's their latest whine-fest, from the PBA site:

The “Better Naito” project converts an entire vehicle lane through downtown to a bicycle lane. The result is not surprising: increased traffic congestion and delays. In a city already cluttered with construction projects that impede travel, this lane closure makes no sense.

Is the PBA complaining about the lane blockage on Grand Avenue near the atrocities rising at the foot Burnside Bridge? NOPE. Are they complaining about the multiple screw-ups that resulted in the Morrison Bridge being mostly taken out of commission for the summer? NOPE. Are they actually encouraging people to take other modes of transportation to get downtown other than traffic-glutting cars? NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. Just like our Dirk Vanderhart reported a month ago, the PBA's unreasonable obsession with the "Better Naito" project is based on flawed data—yet instead of coming to their senses, they've decided to double down.

Have you been stuck in downtown gridlock lately? Take action now: https://t.co/oGuXnzoYjipic.twitter.com/zA9CDxx8wD
— PDXBusinessAlliance (@PDX_BizAlliance) June 22, 2017

Now they're asking for you to fill out their online form to "tell city council to reconsider 'Better Naito,' and take a more balanced approach to Portland’s transportation system that considers the needs of all travelers and the economy."They even filled in your response for you, because apparently they already know how you feel about the subject.

If you're a supporter of "Better Naito," by all means, use their form (and change the language, of course) to show city council your support, and remind them to ignore the selfish greed of the PBA. (I did! It was fun.)

One thing the PBA perhaps didn't count on was the backlash they would receive from banging their continual "anti-Better Naito" drum.

.@thestreettrust - Bike advocates, you can hack the PBA's anti-bike lane feedback tool to show your support for it. https://t.co/R4NrqDHcvO
— Jeremy O. Simer (@jeremy_orhan) June 22, 2017

Thanks for the handy way to give feedback to council! Just a few wording tweaks, aaaaand done. pic.twitter.com/0pA2BpSpyP
— howrad (@howrad) June 22, 2017

Thank you for giving us patrons this opportunity to acknowledge how much we appreciate modern non-car-centric downtown infrastructure! pic.twitter.com/RbYi8pDeL5
— Pudge Muffin (@DonovanCaylor) June 22, 2017

DONE! pic.twitter.com/O3RZDab6Jw
— Jeff Beyer (@jbeyer16) June 22, 2017

And there are many, many more responses here. (Psst! In case you're wondering, here's my submission.)

Create your own here! Plenty of people already have, as Transportation Commissioner Dan Saltzman noted on Twitter.

BTW, that email alert has generated 10-1 emails in support of @PBOTinfo#BetterNaitohttps://t.co/yWt7x2tx99
— Dan Saltzman (@dansaltzman) June 22, 2017

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I’m a queer mother to a very liberal, accepting family but I’m freaking out a bit and I need your help.

My child, let’s call them Sweetie, is a 7-year-old (assigned male at birth) who has always loved sparkles, rainbows, high heels and all things femme. Sweetie has been insisting for about a year that they’re not a boy, and just last week told me and their siblings that they’re a girl.

This is not the problem. We all love Sweetie and accept them for who they are, want them to be happy and fully themselves, and will support them in all ways we can. We have always allowed the kids to wear whatever they like, and play with whichever toys they like. The grandparents are all on board with this and won’t have a problem if Sweetie turns out to be a girl in the long run.

The problem is that we live in a tiny village in very rural, conservative Britain. While not as bad as rural Texas, trans kids are not well understood here and we haven’t got any LGBT support groups within a couple of hours drive.

Sweetie is a sensitive, caring kid who won’t even stand up to their siblings in a fight. I’m really, really worried about how they’re going to cope with the unavoidable backlash they’re going to face from peers and, sadly, other adults in our community. We have already had a few incidents of kids calling Sweetie names for wearing a skirt and a lot of older adults pointing, staring and whispering.

I need your help with two things. First, how can we best prepare Sweetie for the stupid comments and intrusive questions that they’re going to attract without making a big deal of their gender (which shouldn’t be a big deal, especially this young) or making Sweetie self-conscious? We’ve never made a big deal of boy/girl stuff and I’ve already seen the confusion on Sweetie’s face when other kids have a problem with our kid's clothing choices.

And second, what strategy should I use for dealing with people who confront Sweetie or us about this? Because at the moment I’m in protective mama-bear mode and want to punch everyone who stares or points. I want to be a role model for all the kids and show them how to deal with bigots and arseholes, and getting arrested isn’t the lesson I’m going for.

Thanks for all you’ve done for sex lives and love lives everywhere, Dan.

Might Angrily Manhandle Arseholes

First, MAMA: kudos to you. You're setting a great example for your family, your community, and strangers on the Internet. All parents should show their queer and/or gender-nonconforming and/or trans kids the kind of love and support you're showing Sweetie.

Alright...

You're in a tough spot, MAMA. You can't change the world—and beating up one transphobic bully won't create a forcefield around your family—but you can create a home environment where Sweetie feels protected and supported. Through your actions and words—and the love and support of their siblings—Sweetie will understand that they don't deserve the shit the world throws at them. They're seven, so you don't need to scare them by repeatedly warning them about all the bigoted assholes that exist out there. For now, prepare Sweetie for stupid comments by boosting their self-confidence every chance you get and telling them to ignore jerks. Keep telling Sweetie you love them and that you're proud of them and that you want them to be happy.

As for dealing with the arseholes, you're probably noticing more stares and points than Sweetie is. Not every dirty look is worth your energy. You'll learn to pick your battles over time, and Sweetie will learn which battles to pick based on your example. And be sure to distinguish between the casual dirty glance—and, of course, not to confuse innocent glances or non-malicious inquisitive glances for dirty ones—and words and actions that constitute real physical and/or emotional threats and require a momma bear's immediate intervention. If you wear yourself down with the little things, you won't have the energy to fight off the arseholes who deserve a beating. (Please don't actually beat anyone up, MAMA.)

And if your tiny village is really and truly and irredeemably awful, MAMA,
consider moving away. Here's some advice I offered to the parents of bullied gay kids a few years back:

If you know your kid is being brutally bullied at his school, err on the side of overreacting. Err on the side of doing something drastic. Err on the side of turning your own life inside out. Because you don't want to find out the abuse was more than your kid could bear when it's too fucking late to do anything about it.

Straight parents: If you know your gay kid is being brutalized in his school and you've complained and it's gotten worse, get him the fuck out of there. Homeschool him. Homeschool him and sue the school. Move away. Move someplace more tolerant. Move someplace better. If you can't move away—or if you can't move right away—send your son to live with relatives in another city, a better city. Send him to live with relatives in a state where the elected officials aren't bullying kids like yoursfrom the fucking statehouse. (Maybe a state where elected officials are working to make things better.)

And straight parents? Once you realize your kid is gay—which parents of gay kids usually realize long before their gay kids realize it themselves—take a long, hard look at the community in which you live. Take a long, hard look at the church where you worship. Take a long, hard look at the schools your kid will be forced to attend. Then decide if staying put is worth your child's life.

I would give—and I'm hereby giving—the same advice to parents gender-nonconforming and/or trans kids. You shouldn't have to move away, of course, and not every family can afford to move. But if staying is too much for Sweetie to bear when they're 12 or 13 or 14 years old and you can move, moving someplace better—someplace better for Sweetie, someplace better for LGBT youth, someplace with support groups and more tolerant people—could save Sweetie's life.

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The Trailblazers added two new big men to their roster via the NBA draft: 7 foot center Zach Collins of Gonzaga and 6 foot 9 bruiser Cleb Swanigan from Purdue. Here they are:

Zach Collins (in white)Getty Images

Caleb SwaniganGetty Images

The Blazers had an ample 3 picks in the first round this year, but the highest was #15 (the others were #20 and #26). Eager for a shot a the higher talent in the early picks, The Blazers bartered with the Sacramento and traded the #15 and #20 picks for their #10. With that the Blazers snagged Zach Collins, a guy many viewed as the best true center in this year's draft. Here's what Collins looked like on draft night- snappy!

Courtesy Trail Blazers - Bruce Ely

Caleb Swanigan was chosen with the remaining #26 pick. Although he's only 6' 9" (considered small for an NBA power forward) he does have an impressive 7' 3" wingspan and is known for his strong play under the hoop. Most descriptions of him include the word "bruiser". Behold:

Marc Lebryk-USA TODAY Sports

The addition of these two guys, both with badly needed size and muscle for the Blazer's frontcourt, means two players on the current roster will need to be cut. Most are eyeing Tim Quarterman and Pat Connoughton, but they will have the summer league in which to make their case. Welcome to Portland, dudes!

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I fucking hate harassment. This summer, I'm fresh into the world- just graduated high school. This past winter/springtime, I finished a long saga fighting harassment- and then fighting someone who I asked for help about it, but they told me
boys will be boys. Trust me, I got fucking sick of harassment after it came back a year later. I also got sick of telling people that I, too have a right to do my thing without being bothered. Ok, all done. And then, today, I'm walking to work, and some asshat on the street tells me that I should smile, and defends it when I came back to it later as just being worried I was sad. Okay, I'll report you for street harassment. The common factor may be me, but the common issue is that you won't leave me the fuck alone. Stop fucking harassing people.

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Secret no longer: Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell yesterday finally unveiled the health care bill he'd been tinkering with in secret for weeks—and surprise! It's not so different from the House's terrible bill after all. The bill doesn't have enough support to pass the Senate in its current form, and it's unclear what tweaks will be necessary to get it there.

To get you up to speed, the NYT has this rundown of the bill's major departures from Obamacare. And Politico has a helpful tally of winners (the rich, anti-Obama governors, young and healthy people) and the losers (the poor and old, addicts, public health agencies).

Meanwhile: Barack Obama is not amused.

The ornery coots at the Portland Business Alliance are still so mad about the Better Naito project, which offers one of Naito Parkway's four travel lanes for pedestrians and bikes during summer months. Their latest hilariously unsuccessful gambit? Trying to get people to send pre-written statements opposing the project to city leaders. It hasn't worked in the least.

BIG NEWS: Partisan rancor down in Salem has prompted Democratic leaders to scrap plans for corporate tax reform this year, a major blow as lawmakers work to close a $1.4 billion funding shortfall over the next two years.

With tax reforms off the table, Gov. Kate Brown says it might be easier to pass the massive transportation package (read: tax and fee increases for transportation projects) that lawmakers have been pushing.

That transportation plan has been met with stiff resistance in some quarters of Portland—with plenty of people arguing that a plan to widen I-5 through the Rose Quarter is shortsighted and counter to pledges to reduced carbon emissions. This useful OPB piece looks at that argument, and also explains how a congestion pricing system on I-5—basically tolls to convince people not to drive at peak times—might work.

The criminal narrative grows worse for George Tschaggeny, the homeless man accused of stealing items from MAX stabbing victim Rick Best as he lay dying. Tschaggeny is now accused of using Best's credit card five times immediately following the May 26 tragedy.

Pressure is ramping up on Portland school board member Paul Anthony to resign, after a group of principals obtained some of his salty private communications.

Another University of Oregon basketball player is accused of sexual assault. Things need to change—in Eugene and everywhere.

In good news, OHSU just 3D printed a six-year-old a new plastic orange arm, and it's delightful.

Trump tells Fox News he threatened fired FBI Director Jim Comey with fictitious recordings of their conversations to keep the man honest in Congressional testimony. The president fails to mention that his threat prompted Comey to leak memos which eventually led to the appointment of the special prosecutor who's investigating Trump. So...

LASTLY: Blast the Bananarama while you scope this delicious forecast. It's Friday, y'all!

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World Naked Bike Ride
You get one shot every year to participate in the juggernaut that is the World Naked Bike Ride. If you’ve never done it, 2017’s the year. You’ll be fine if you follow four simple rules. (1) Don’t be creepy: This is about body positivity, and bicycle awareness, and saving the Earth. Creeps will be bounced. (2) Get only as bare as you’re comfortable with, but definitely strip down somewhat. See rule number 1—fully clothed riders are suspect. (3) Get ready for high fives. This route turns out hoards of spectators (many with cameras) every year. You can seek anonymity in the middle of the pack, but it’s more fun to extend your hand and let the propers roll in. (4) Have your clothes handy after it’s over. A naked solo ride home can get mighty lonely. DIRK VANDERHART
Jun 24, 8 pm, Fernhill Park, free

Batman: The Movie
"I suppose you’re only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt. And I didn’t need molded plastic to improve my physique. Pure. West."
Jun 23, 7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9

Wooden Indian Burial Ground, Y La Bamba, Tender Age, The Wild Body
A wide range of acts hold court on the Bunk Bar stage as part of a benefit for this year's Homie Fest, with Portland garage psych favorites Wooden Indian Burial Ground rounding out the evening and DJ Papi Fimbres spinning between sets.
Jun 24, 8 pm, Bunk Bar, $7

XRAY Records Showcase: Blesst Chest, Deathlist, WL, Secret Drum Band
Local record label and radio station XRay bring a slew of Portland's best acts north for a stacked label showcase at the Fixin' To.
Jun 23, 9 pm, The Fixin' To, $7

BAD! Michael Jackson & All Things Jackson
An all-night dance party dedicated to the King of Pop and all his super-talented siblings, including hits, b-sides, remixes and deep cuts from Michael, Janet, the Jacksons, the Jackson 5—if someone from Gary, Indiana with the last name of Jackson ever made something funky, you're probably gonna hear it.
Jun 23, 9 pm, The Liquor Store, $3

Good in the Hood Multicultural Music, Arts & Food Festival
The annual Good in the Hood festival is one of the most diverse and fun music, arts, and food events in Portland—full stop! And while an ignorant threat has been made against the festival, the organizers realize that fear will never conquer love, and there is strength in numbers. So walk the walk and support this critically important three-day event that offers tons of hip-hop, gospel, and funk as well as delicious food, a parade, kid activities, and enough positive vibes to fill a weary planet. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Jun 23-25, Fri 6 pm, Sat 11 am, Sun 10 am, Lillis-Albina Park, free, all ages

David Sedaris
David Sedaris returns to Portland with his inexhaustible supply of hilarious stories about subjects ranging from his crazy family to life abroad. This time he'll be discussing his latest book, Theft by Finding, a collection of the original diary entries that helped inform some of his best works.
Jun 23, 6 pm, Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, free

Green Noise & Zero Wave Summer Party
Green Noise Records and Zero Wave host a summer party and sidewalk sale, with an array of discounted LPs, CDs, 7-inches, clothing, media, and music gear to browse, plus live music sets from Mr. Wrong, Fire Nuns, Mini Blinds, and No Aloha.
Jun 24, 11 am, Green Noise Records, free, all ages

Abronia, BlackWater HolyLight
A free release party for the sonically adventurous, musically expansive local band Abronia, and its debut album, incorporating jazz, psych-rock, country, metal, and the super sounds of the '70s and '80s into their repertoire.
Jun 25, 8 pm, Rontoms, free

Milk Carton Boat Race
Before there was a Flügtäg, there was this Rose Festival classic, showcasing handmade, human-powered boats made out of recycled milk cartons and jugs.
Jun 25, 11 am, Westmoreland Park, free, all ages

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Femme Top
As part of Portland Black Pride weekend, Femme Top is a party and safe space for Black femmes and their allies to celebrate the contributions of Black LGBTQ people, and get sweaty dancing about it. The show will see beloved host Chanticleer Tru (AKA Chanti Darling), sickening headliner and Portland femme rapper Maarquii, and a handful of WOC DJs. Proceeds will benefit Sankofa Collective Northwest, an organization that promotes the health and well-being of specifically Black queer people. JENNI MOORE
9 pm, Paris Theater, $12-15

2017 Risk/Reward Festival
At summertime performance fest Risk/Reward, emerging and established performers test out new material on…you! It’s a treat if you care about Portland’s art and theater communities. Many performance festivals are spendy and stuffy. With work from Linda Austin Dance and beloved drag queen Pepper Pepper, and pay-what-you can ticketing for all performances, this one is neither. MEGAN BURBANK
7:30 pm, Artists Repertory Theatre, $20

Nuggets Night 2017
Transplants from the Mile High City might be disappointed to learn that the Star Theater’s Nuggets Night is not dedicated to the Denver Nuggets. The two-night event brings together a dizzying number of Portland bands in celebration of obscure, majestic garage and psych gems from the heavy-lidded ’60s, and all for a great cause. Benefitting the Jeremy Wilson Foundation (headed by the former Dharma Bums vocalist to support musicians with healthcare costs), the mini-festival’s first night features a host of paisley-costumed bards bringing the jangle and groove. Its headliners include legendary Hollywood crew the Pandoras, along with Chicago garage OGs the Shadows of Night, who scored a Top 10 hit with their version of Them’s “Gloria” in 1965. The second night is just as stacked, with Portland’s the Pynnacles and the High Violets taking aim before headliners the Woggles bring it all back home.
7 pm, Star Theater, $25-75

John Prine
Tonight the legendary singer/songwriter John Prine arrives in Portland to serenade our city’s zoo animals (and probably some people, too). Prine is beloved for making simple, but magnificent folk songs, which revolve around his acoustic guitar and inimitable drawl. Though his early work gets a lot of attention—particularly songs like “Sam Stone” and “Angel from Montgomery” from his 1971 self-titled debut—2005’s Fair & Square is perhaps Prine’s best record. He recorded the Grammy-winning album after undergoing throat surgery for squamous cell cancer, which deepened his voice into a low, gravelly rumble. Last year Prine released For Better, or Worse, an outstanding collection of duets with country stars like Iris DeMent and Kacey Musgraves. This all-ages, outdoor concert is completely sold out, so if you’ve got tickets, expect the Oregon Zoo to be packed. CIARA DOLAN
7 pm, Oregon Zoo, $44.50-104.50, all ages

Ziggy Marley
Edgefield presents a Summer night with the 5-time Grammy Award-winning reggae artist and eldest son of Bob Marley, known for fronting his band the Melody Makers and recording the theme song for the children's cartoon series Arthur.
6:30 pm, Edgefield, $43, all ages

Adam Conover
The past Bridgetown Comedy Festival performer and host of the hit TruTV show Adam Ruins Everything, which aims to reveal the shocking hidden facts that lurk behind everyday goods and services, returns to Portland for a weekend of stand-up at Helium.
7:30 pm, 10 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $22

XRAY Records Showcase: Blesst Chest, Deathlist, WL, Secret Drum Band
Local record label and radio station XRay bring a slew of Portland's best acts north for a stacked label showcase at the Fixin' To.
9 pm, The Fixin' To, $7

Metalachi, Latter Day Skanks, Robots of the Ancient World
Need more cowbell? The "world's first and only" heavy-metal mariachi band Metalachi has your cowbell, your guitarrón, and your vihuela. The Mexican band got its start when "what began as an innocent night of snorting horse tranquilizers in a hotel room with seven members of the village jai alai team went on to produce the greatest metal band ever to live." SHELBY KING
9 pm, Dante's, $15

Portland International Beerfest 2017
Three days of swimming in over 200 rare and exotic beers and ciders, games (you can't drink this much beer and not play some darts, right?) pub grub from a wide variety of vendors, the Grande Beer Garden where full pints can be purchased for $3, something called a Bicycle Pie Joust (!) on Saturday at 3pm, free re-entry all weekend, and much more.
4 pm, North Park Blocks, $25-35

David Sedaris
David Sedaris returns to Portland with his inexhaustible supply of hilarious stories about subjects ranging from his crazy family to life abroad. This time he'll be discussing his latest book, Theft by Finding, a collection of the original diary entries that helped inform some of his best works.
6 pm, Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, free

Oleada, Yankee Gaucho
The Portland-based chicha band play a Peruvian-rooted blend of cumbia with elements of post-rock, dub reggae, jazz, and psychedelic rock thrown in for good measure.
9 pm, Mississippi Pizza Pub & Atlantis Lounge, $5

Tango Alpha Tango, Holiday Friends, The Lower 48
Tango Alpha Tango frontman Nathan Trueb's knack for capturing the grit of dirty desert blues is infectious and fun, full of clichéd rock 'n' roll lyrics about getting high and lusting after women, and comes teeming with an arsenal of back-porch riffs and driving rhythms. RYAN J. PRADO
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $10-12

BAD! Michael Jackson & All Things Jackson
An all-night dance party dedicated to the King of Pop and all his super-talented siblings, including hits, b-sides, remixes and deep cuts from Michael, Janet, the Jacksons, the Jackson 5—if someone from Gary, Indiana with the last name of Jackson ever made something funky, you're probably gonna hear it.
9 pm, The Liquor Store, $3

Batman: The Movie
"I suppose you’re only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt. And I didn’t need molded plastic to improve my physique. Pure. West."
7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

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World Naked Bike Ride
You get one shot every year to participate in the juggernaut that is the World Naked Bike Ride. If you’ve never done it, 2017’s the year. You’ll be fine if you follow four simple rules. (1) Don’t be creepy: This is about body positivity, and bicycle awareness, and saving the Earth. Creeps will be bounced. (2) Get only as bare as you’re comfortable with, but definitely strip down somewhat. See rule number 1—fully clothed riders are suspect. (3) Get ready for high fives. This route turns out hoards of spectators (many with cameras) every year. You can seek anonymity in the middle of the pack, but it’s more fun to extend your hand and let the propers roll in. (4) Have your clothes handy after it’s over. A naked solo ride home can get mighty lonely. DIRK VANDERHART
8 pm, Fernhill Park, free

Good in the Hood Multicultural Music, Arts & Food Festival
The annual Good in the Hood festival is one of the most diverse and fun music, arts, and food events in Portland—full stop! And while an ignorant threat has been made against the festival, the organizers realize that fear will never conquer love, and there is strength in numbers. So walk the walk and support this critically important three-day event that offers tons of hip-hop, gospel, and funk as well as delicious food, a parade, kid activities, and enough positive vibes to fill a weary planet. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
11 am, Lillis-Albina Park, free, all ages

Dolly Parton Hoot Night: Mama Coal, Gerle Haggard, Hey Loretta!, Jenny Sizzler, Kara Harris, Marilee Hord, Nikole Potulksy, The Cabin Project, Weezy Ford, Katie Rose & Matty Charles, Lenore
Dolly Parton is humanity’s crown jewel. Her voice is made from honey and bourbon. Her hair deserves statehood, ’cause it’s bigger than Texas. She is simply the best. A dozen Portland singers will gather Saturday at twilight for this year’s worshipping ritual—I mean, the 12th annual Dolly Parton Hoot Night. CIARA DOLAN
8 pm, Alberta Rose Theatre, $15

Michael Che
An evening of stand-up from the Saturday Night Live star known for co-hosting Weekend Update and from his acclaimed 2016 Netflix special, Michael Che Matters.
7 pm, Revolution Hall, $25

RomperCon
A new era is rising in the realm of pub crawl. BEHOLD: The RomperCon, a stylish parade that starts at Splash and romps its summery way through Downtown's finest drinking establishments.
5 pm, Splash, $20

The R&B Rewind Fest
The R&B Rewind Fest presents the The Dru Hill 20th Anniversary celebration, with performances from Sisqo, Nokio, Jazz & Tao, as well as special appearances by R&B legends Howard Hewett of Shalamar and Ms. Chante Moore.
9 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $25-40

Uhh Yeah Dude
A live episode of the long-running, much beloved comedy podcast starring Seth Romatelli and Jonathan Larroquette.
8 pm, Aladdin Theater, $25-27

Donnie Emerson, Kyle Craft, House of Angels
Secret Society presents the Portland debut of Donnie Emerson, the producer and singer/songwriter known for the underground pop and rock hits "Baby", "Don't Fight", "Give Me The Chance", and "My Heart," all taken from 1979's Dreamin' Wild, an album Donnie recorded as a teenager along with his brother Joe Emerson, which was recently reissued by Light in the Attic Records.
9 pm, The Secret Society, $10-13

Heroes and Villains/Walker Stalker Fan Fest
A new pop-culture extravaganza enters the game. After the Rose City Comic Con and Wizard World now comes the Heroes & Villains Fan Fest, which is bringing a completely separate convention with it at the same time, Walker Stalker. The former includes some of your favorite stars from superhero film and television, including Brandon Routh (Superman Returns), Stephen Amell (Arrow), Michael Rooker (Yondu from Guardians of the Galaxy), John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood), and more. The latter is all about The Walking Dead, with guests including... well, basically everyone you've ever liked who's ever been eaten or beaten to death.
10 am, Oregon Convention Center, $45-90

Wonderland: A Sketch Comedy Show
FINAL NIGHT! Jason Rouse, Ted Douglass and Lori Ferraro present a brand new configuration of old sketch comedy favorites in a showcase for twisted ridiculousness, featuring practiced purveyors of absurdity Ferraro, Katie Behrens, Stacey Hallal, Laura Sams, and Janet Scanlon.
8 pm, Siren Theater, $15

Wooden Indian Burial Ground, Y La Bamba, Tender Age, The Wild Body
A wide range of acts hold court on the Bunk Bar stage as part of a benefit for this year's Homie Fest, with Portland garage psych favorites Wooden Indian Burial Ground rounding out the evening and DJ Papi Fimbres spinning between sets.
8 pm, Bunk Bar, $7

Green Noise & Zero Wave Summer Party
Green Noise Records and Zero Wave host a summer party and sidewalk sale, with an array of discounted LPs, CDs, 7-inches, clothing, media, and music gear to browse, plus live music sets from Mr. Wrong, Fire Nuns, Mini Blinds, and No Aloha.
11 am, Green Noise Records, free, all ages

Pickwick, Cataldo, Gordi
For several years, Pickwick has felt like a band on the verge of a big breakthrough. The Seattle combo built considerable buzz in the early 2010s with a series of 7-inches that showcased their modern take on soul music, featuring a little bit of grit and a whole bunch of frontman Galen Disston’s killer voice. A self-released full-length followed in 2013, and now it’s time for LoveJoys, which finds Pickwick exploring a funkier, more polished sound without sacrificing its natural swagger. Could LoveJoys be the album that pushes Pickwick to the next level? It could, if they get the kind of break they deserve. Tonight at the Doug Fir, they’ll celebrate the new album with Seattle indie-pop act Cataldo, whose new album Keepers sounds like dance music for wallflowers wearing Death Cab for Cutie T-shirts. BEN SALMON
9 pm, Doug Fir, $15-18

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

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Portland Timbers vs. Seattle Sounders FC
Timely scoring outbursts from Timbers’ stars Fanendo Adi and Diego Valeri have sent the team’s confidence at home soaring in June, all while talent bubbling up from off the bench has showcased some serious depth. Both factors should provide Portland the edge they need heading into this afternoon’s crucial clash with their bitter rivals from Seattle, so you’ll definitely want to be on hand to soak up the atmosphere surrounding this latest installment of the league's marquee matchup. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
7:30 pm, Providence Park, $52-250, all ages

Sunday Parkways North
It wouldn’t be summer in Portland without Sunday Parkways, and today North Portland becomes a biking and walking wonderland as 9.5 miles of street are closed to cars, meaning you and your family can bike, run, skate, or do whatever without fear of becoming roadkill. The loop hits many of North Portland’s loveliest parks, and there’ll be food, music, and much more along the way. NED LANNAMANN
11 am, North Portland, free, all ages

Abronia, BlackWater HolyLight
A free release party for the sonically adventurous, musically expansive local band Abronia, and its debut album, incorporating jazz, psych-rock, country, metal, and the super sounds of the '70s and '80s into their repertoire.
8 pm, Rontoms, free

Roger Waters: Us + Them
All the large-scale bombast and pageantry you've come to expect from Roger Waters, but with way more classic Pink Floyd songs, and way less Roger Waters solo stuff.
8 pm, Moda Center, $35-296, all ages

Hecklevision: Con Air
Normally, Hecklevision presents a particularly pungent scrap of cinematic detritus to aim at with your phones, firing texted one-liners (and ASCII dicks) until all your ammo is spent. But how in the fuck do you heckle something as self-aware as Con Air? How do you even dream of winning a one-liner shootout against John Malkovich, Dave Chappelle, Steve Buscemi, and Colm Meaney? Will your thumbs be rent immobile as the virile presence of Nic Cage in his sweaty, mulleted, beefcake prime thunders through Simon West’s better-than-Michael brand of Bayhem? Or do you think you can manage a gag or two amid the gunfire? You better be extra sure you have the goods, or the bunny gets it. BOBBY ROBERTS
9 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9

Shannon Entropy, Mood Beach, Sheers, The Wild War
Steeped in a wild mix of styles, Portland's Shannon Entropy extend beyond the parameters of so many other local pop-rock bands. RYAN J. PRADO
8 pm, Holocene, $7-8

Sara Watkins, Langhorne Slim
Sara Watkins is an American singer-songwriter and fiddler who co-founded the progressive bluegrass group Nickel Creek. Tonight she returns to the Aladdin stage for a co-headlined show with acclaimed folk-rock singer/songwriter Langhorne Slim.
8 pm, Aladdin Theater, $25-30

Ex Eye, 1939 Ensemble
An evening with the new experimental metal supergroup comprised of saxophonist Colin Stetson (Arcade Fire, Bon Iver), drummer Greg Fox (Guardian Alien, Z's, Liturgy), bassist Shahzad Ismaily (Ceramic Dog, Secret Chiefs 3), and guitarist Toby Summerfield (Crush Kill Destroy, Never Enough Hope).
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $12-14

Milk Carton Boat Race
Before there was a Flügtäg, there was this Rose Festival classic, showcasing handmade, human-powered boats made out of recycled milk cartons and jugs.
11 am, Westmoreland Park, free, all ages

The Maltese Falcon
John Huston’s 1941 adaptation of Dashiell Hammett’s Sam Spade story is ground zero for American film noir. At the time, nobody knew that’s what it was—it was just a quick ’n’ dirty piece of B-movie business. But as time went on and an entire genre grew from its shadow, The Maltese Falcon was recognized not just as the progenitor of all your favorite hardboiled clichés, but still the best example of them. The twisting plot that only barely makes sense, the pack of highly entertaining degenerates seeking to best our flawed hero, the duplicitous moll at the center of it all—it says something that with almost 80 years of imitators in its wake, The Maltese Falcon still feels just as fresh and punchy as it did when it opened. BOBBY ROBERTS
1:15 pm, 7 pm, Laurelhurst Theater

Barnham Family Hotdog
Scott Rogers takes his award-winning webseries to the Shoe Box stage, celebrating summer in only the way his character Big Ed Barnham can.
7 pm, Shoe Box Theater, $15

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

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Are you the type of person that ruins a relationship the moment you are lucky enough to get one? JOIN THE CLUB! But if you'd like to break this vicious cycle, check out this sage advice from the I, Anonymous Blog titled, "Commitment Pro Tips."

Don't leave a cute flirty pic of you and your last gf on the fridge for the first four months of your new relationship. When your new girlfriend moves in, maybe clean your ex's pile of dirty lacy undies from under the bed. Check to see if your sex toys smell like her. Have fun calling her up when you're single again.

Good to know! And as a matter of fact, the I, Anonymous Blog is a treasure trove of great advice.* So why not drop off your rants and confessions right now?

* Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa! Good one.

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